Graceful Solitude and Mortal Comradory

Maybe I just don't feel I need others the same way some feel they need. I do still push people away. It's not that don't love, and therefore, need them. I do wish others beside me emensely. However, most often we seem to find ourselves behind or in front of each other. I believe we find ourselves in such positions together out of sincere altruism, but also desperation. Many of us show love by caretaking and somehow feel as friends we have abilities to comfort each other. Perhaps we don't, and just maybe we don't need to. Perhaps when we are together we need only to relate in this blissful helplessness. But somehow we are distracted and scared by the strive for structure and control that we just don't have. Perhaps it is is impossible to truely give anything to another. Perhaps really we can only share. So I ask myself what do I have? Nothing. Though in solitude I find everything is accessible to me. So I ask myself what do I need? It may be comfort, energy, courage, rejuvenation, love in the purest form. Factually, I need all these gifts to thrive. Though it's only in solitude where I may truely receive them. For in solitude, I am alone in grace. nature. life force. When I return to my loved ones I can sit beside them and exude this. Possibly after letting them alone they can sit beside me and exude the same. Sometimes I just wish to stand beside someone and face the same direction together, into the unknown. That's all.
There's a painting by Munch, " The Lonely Ones". With colors balanced, in dark and light, it's of a man and woman standing side by side, just facing the horizon together. I love it.